# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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