can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
