Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
