this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
