Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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