I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
