I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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