If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
