I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
