your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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