My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
