i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
