moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
ok first of all what the fuck
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
