this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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