p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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