you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
