the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My liver just had a heart attack.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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