maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
