why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
