mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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