Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude i'm inner monologue high
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
