There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
