so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
