Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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