My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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