Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
