I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He passed out mid-signature
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
