Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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