I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
