he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
