And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
