I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize