I just threw up on my dentist
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
