And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
