Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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