did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
