If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
