Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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