there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The power of my boobs compel you
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize