Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
