I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
