you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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