Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
