we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
