so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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