apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
