Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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