How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
