Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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