so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
