So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
