Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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