he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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