Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
