i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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