not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize