I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
