Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
