You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
