I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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