First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
