i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
is wine microwaveable?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
