I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
