awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I need moral support for this bender
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
