I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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