I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
