I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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