they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
