Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
