if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
