shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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